Friday, November 6, 2015

Self Care and Self Love

Be true to you.

"To thine own self be true"
-oracle at Delphi

I'm writing this blog with a little bit of elation and sadness.  I had to practice taking care of myself by setting a boundary.  Knowing our boundary is a necessary component of self-love...we know where we end and someone else begins.

I had to draw a line this morning, ironically, with someone who teaches others about boundaries for a living.
My hope was to connect and create a referral section on my new website by featuring interviews with people that I know practice self-care.
Collaboration and community can be a wonderful thing.
It can also zap the energy right out of you if you let it.  The attempts to connect and have a conversation just became too hard.
Clue #1 - if it isn't easy, let it go for now.

Many of you who are reading this know that I have often been a part of spiritual communities.  Spiritual communities aren't perfect as one would "think". A superficial view if you haven't participated. They are great crucibles for self-awareness.  Some jump in and join the "big hot mess".  Some join and watch from the side-lines.  Some come in and out.  These actions vary individually and as a group.  All organic and human.

When do we decide what is best?

For me, it starts in the gut.  I get a sick or nauseous feeling when I am interacting with someone.

I'm tolerant to a fault.  This feeling is often abated by a bit of self-sacrifice (masochism) on my end to keep the connection.  To love the other through the pain.  To keep the door open as I have been taught.

When is enough, enough?  

Well, I frankly don't know until I'm in it.

For me it began with my spiritual community.  I could only do so much in a certain capacity and needed to step back and let others step up.  Next came a very toxic family situation as a stepparent.  I felt I had to lay boundaries with everyone.  I couldn't believe it.  I had always felt myself a "free" spirit.
Clue#2 - freedom and responsibility reside on the same coin.

We all have to negotiate boundaries - I know, I know - some of you will say we are all one.
Probably AND we also need space to learn how to love ourselves.
I am granting that to my self right now.  I'm sure that is what the individual is doing who I could not connect with at this time - setting boundaries too.

We may connect again down the road.  We may not.

I'm interested to hear how your thoughts on self-love as self-care and setting your own boundaries.

Be true to you.

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