The Tests are Back and I Feel Great

I've been waiting for a month for lab results.  Just the wait was stressful and the diagnosis - adrenal fatigue.

Nothing new.

I've gone up and down following treatment plans for several years now.  (I'll be blogging periodically about my new protocol because this time I'm excited and it feels right.)

What I am really curious about is what was I living on if (clinically) there was nothing in the tank?

I've seen this over and over with oncology massage clients.  Some people enjoy an amazing quality of life when the test results don't look so great.

I've seen it in my only family with my father.

What are we living on if our tank is empty?

Spirit.

Chi.

Will-power.

Denial.

All possible answers or a combination of a few.

I've had friends with adrenal fatigue who have moved out of the United States and taken up living in a country with a slower pace and a back to the farm lifestyle.

Can't do that here.  I'm a mother, a business owner, a wife with a bi-coastal marriage.  What I can do is celebrate a new regime of honoring what is already in place and begin to take baby steps back to health.

In the meantime...I am going to give thanks for whatever is keeping my tank full.

Thank you Spirit.

Mother, Wife, Renovations and Other "Distractions"

Bottom Line.

Every once in a while I get a chance to set my priorities - straight.

The bottom line is my kid Alex.  His brother too, however, he lives several thousand miles away right now.  You see, I live a bi-coastal relationship for now. Half of my family in Oregon and the other half in New York.

During this time we are also renovating a floating home so that my husband can semi-retire and enjoy life on the water.

I, on the other hand, am growing my business.

Staying true to myself and true to course is the biggest challenge.  Self-employment offers a bit of freedom and you almost always work well beyond the hours you would employed by someone else.

But shhhhh....

Nobody really knows that I "work".  You see, I have made myself very available to my family in the beginning.  I was a stepmom then.  Trying my hardest to provide the kids and family with consistency and stability.  This takes a lot of time and energy.

Slowly I am adding bits and pieces of myself back into the picture.  Kind of like Oz behind the curtain.  I'm not talking ego - I'm talking fake it 'til you make it.

There are no rule books for being a parent and there certainly are no rule books for step parents.

Boy do I hate the word step parent.  I've decided to drop it and just become Mom - because this is what I do.

As I write this blog I can hear the sound of a screw being driven into a wall and my son and his Dad talking about life.

I am writing this blog as part of a 30-day challenge and have committed to take my business to the next level in the midst of renovations and distractions.

Because... this is what I do.

For the Love of a River

Pine Creek Canyon     Wellsboro, PA

Water represents emotion in my tradition.  Moving water - flowing emotions.  Stuck water - stuck emotions.

Dark water - things are not so clear.  Clear water - yeah, you get my drift.

I was born on a river.  Our cottage, the Lazy Lodge, literally hung over the river pictured above and I could hear it day and night.

My grandfather taught me how to fish, swim and live off the river.  He dried mullein stalks and we later soaked them in kerosene and lit them like torches and walked along the railroad tracks at night.  Very primal.

Our place was right below the one rapid - Owassee rapids.  We learned about the bounty of the river as we saved those who had overturned in the rapids and gathered coolers, six-packs and river booty as it floated by our cottage.

My grandfather also taught me about the strength of the river and death.  He took me by the hand and walked me the half mile or so along the tracks so that I could see a woman who had died while navigating the river.  I remember her almost blue body underneath a rock.

Later in life, I chose to follow a friend and work on the Snake River in Wyoming.  I became an official whitewater guide.

Here is a pic, I am in the back and my crew has just hit the hole that they call the Big Kahuna.  We didn't get enough speed to get through the rapid without "hitting" it hard.  You get used to that as a guide.  You can encourage (a gentle word for not yell so hard) to paddle and then you just have to let go and ride it out.

The "Big Kahnua", Snake River, Wyoming USA

Now I am back on the river.  This time the Multnomah Channel of the Willamette River near Portland, OR.  My husband and I are renovating a floating home from the river up.  I wake each day to the river flowing right by my front door.  Cormorants, Bald and Golden Eagle, Great Blue Heron and Osprey are my constant companions.

Once I guided on the river, now the river guides me.  

Floating Home on Multnomah Channel

Wish you were here.

Hello My Name Is

Demo Day at Greenstar Co-op Ithaca, NY

Taking my wares to market is a great chance to break from the solitude of working in a lab.  I get to shift gears and prepare my samples, set-up and costume (yes, I like to put on red lipstick).

It is an opportunity to meet people that I don't know, face to face and speak openly about what I can do for them, why I make what I make the way I do and generally hand out free swag.

Instantly I feel open, happy (after a bit of apprehension preparing) and thrilled to meet people who are curious and willing to put their guard down for a moment to come up to speak to me.

Different venues bring different clientele, values and interests.  I am particularly drawn to co-ops as the members are usually very well educated about what they put in their mouths and on their bodies.

I get a chance to walk my talk.

You also never know what is going to happen.

It can be hopping and happening...or

you're all dressed up and...

nobody shows.

That is the way it was for the three years I tried the Bridal Show circuit.  Boy did my feet get sore.  I made a commitment to stand the entire time, meet and speak to every single person who walked by my booth and I had an assistant gather e-mails.

In three years, I received nay an order.  I spent more time educating people about bespoke perfumery.  Most people in the rural part of upstate NY could not wrap their heads around the concept.

It was the same when I brought massage therapy to the area.  I was an ice-breaker for therapists who came years later.  Some of us are ice-breakers and pioneers.

We pave the ways so others can bring the next level of expertise.

I wouldn't change that role for a minute.  I truly believe in what I have to offer.  Just a little bit ahead of my time perhaps.

Here is to all you trendsetters out there - be forever creative.

Little Altars Everywhere...

Sacred Space     Aromatic Traditions 2015

“Sometimes I wonder if any of us are cut out for the lives we lead.” 

― Rebecca Wells, Little Altars Everywhere

Really!  If you told me a two years ago that I would be where I am now - living on a floating home in Portland Oregon - I would have felt a little overwhelmed (to say the least).

It was a real push to pack up my home, lab and part of my family and move across the country.  As soon as we unpacked, we began to renovate from the water up.  Yes! We replaced the float system of old growth logs underneath or home, put in a sub-floor, later flooring, electricity and plumbing.

I am also living a bi-coastal relationship.  There is nothing easy about it.  You miss the cues, the little things your senses pick up about your partner.  There is nothing physical about it.

Today was a really difficult day.  We all have them.  Sometimes we have them more than we care to.  Today the sun came out and shown through my kitchen window illuminating my greenhouse and statue.  A gentle reminder to stop, slow down, and take the moment IN.

Ahhhhhhh....

It is time to be grateful to everyone and everything that brought me to this moment.
Sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for the life I chose because I forgot to be grateful for everything that got me here in the first place.

Thank You!

I am grateful.

If You Do Not Change Direction...

Hot Summer Harvest                    Portland OR 2015

If you do not change direction you may end up where you are heading.

                       -Lao Tzu

How do you embrace change?  I would love to hear from you in the comments below.  We can join as community in celebration of letting go and inviting in the new, delirious, exciting, and challenging moments that cross our paths daily as we define ourselves.

Blessings.