We Die Like We Live

A few years ago my husband's cousin asked me to take a trip to Ohio to give him an Oncology Massage treatment.  He had recently been diagnosed with cancer and wanted to explore his options.

He knew I taught classes to practitioners and had also created a clinic which matched massage therapists certified in Oncology Massage with patients undergoing treatment.

My husband packed the car and we travelled several hours to his home and I began to give him treatments. We went back several times and I taught his wife how to do some of the protocols.

I've done this a lot for friends and family.

There is a lot of cancer going around.

One evening after giving him a treatment my husband's cousin asked me to sit down with him in the living room.  He wanted to talk about death.

He knew that I had experienced quite a few crossings as an Oncology Massage therapist.

He played a tape for me of songs he had written for his grandchildren who were not yet born.  He knew that he might not meet them.  The songs were gorgeous and full of his heart.

After we talked about his preparations for his family he asked me...

"how do you die?"

I thought a while about the many faces that I saw pass through my Oncology Massage clinic.

"We die like we live."

He liked that and I could see him reach a state of peace that evening.

I've hesitated to write the past few days.  Recently a dear friend passed.  I also have another who is preparing for the next "new normal" - whatever it may be.

Aromatic Traditions™ began because I wanted to lighten my life after many years in the oncology field.  I continue to "touch those who are touched by cancer" (my clinic slogan) by making healthy products for those who are seeking them.  I also know that when a friend or family member calls - I'm there.  Usually I am there before they call.  I know how important touch is...I know what it feels like to wake up in a hospital bed isolated and afraid.

Thank you for taking the time to read this little missive.  I have committed to writing every day for 30 days and the last two were challenging.  This commitment is what keeps me going on my path so that I may continue to serve.

Peace.

Holding Space

Holding space for all of you who need prayers.

Self Care and Self Love

Be true to you.

"To thine own self be true"

-oracle at Delphi

I'm writing this blog with a little bit of elation and sadness.  I had to practice taking care of myself by setting a boundary.  Knowing our boundary is a necessary component of self-love...we know where we end and someone else begins.

I had to draw a line this morning, ironically, with someone who teaches others about boundaries for a living.

My hope was to connect and create a referral section on my new website by featuring interviews with people that I know practice self-care.

Collaboration and community can be a wonderful thing.

It can also zap the energy right out of you if you let it.  The attempts to connect and have a conversation just became too hard.

Clue #1 - if it isn't easy, let it go for now.

Many of you who are reading this know that I have often been a part of spiritual communities.  Spiritual communities aren't perfect as one would "think". A superficial view if you haven't participated. They are great crucibles for self-awareness.  Some jump in and join the "big hot mess".  Some join and watch from the side-lines.  Some come in and out.  These actions vary individually and as a group.  All organic and human.

When do we decide what is best?

For me, it starts in the gut.  I get a sick or nauseous feeling when I am interacting with someone.

I'm tolerant to a fault.  This feeling is often abated by a bit of self-sacrifice (masochism) on my end to keep the connection.  To love the other through the pain.  To keep the door open as I have been taught.

When is enough, enough?  

Well, I frankly don't know until I'm in it.

For me it began with my spiritual community.  I could only do so much in a certain capacity and needed to step back and let others step up.  Next came a very toxic family situation as a stepparent.  I felt I had to lay boundaries with everyone.  I couldn't believe it.  I had always felt myself a "free" spirit.

Clue#2 - freedom and responsibility reside on the same coin.

We all have to negotiate boundaries - I know, I know - some of you will say we are all one.

Probably AND we also need space to learn how to love ourselves.

I am granting that to my self right now.  I'm sure that is what the individual is doing who I could not connect with at this time - setting boundaries too.

We may connect again down the road.  We may not.

I'm interested to hear how your thoughts on self-love as self-care and setting your own boundaries.

Be true to you.

For the Love of a River

Pine Creek Canyon     Wellsboro, PA

Water represents emotion in my tradition.  Moving water - flowing emotions.  Stuck water - stuck emotions.

Dark water - things are not so clear.  Clear water - yeah, you get my drift.

I was born on a river.  Our cottage, the Lazy Lodge, literally hung over the river pictured above and I could hear it day and night.

My grandfather taught me how to fish, swim and live off the river.  He dried mullein stalks and we later soaked them in kerosene and lit them like torches and walked along the railroad tracks at night.  Very primal.

Our place was right below the one rapid - Owassee rapids.  We learned about the bounty of the river as we saved those who had overturned in the rapids and gathered coolers, six-packs and river booty as it floated by our cottage.

My grandfather also taught me about the strength of the river and death.  He took me by the hand and walked me the half mile or so along the tracks so that I could see a woman who had died while navigating the river.  I remember her almost blue body underneath a rock.

Later in life, I chose to follow a friend and work on the Snake River in Wyoming.  I became an official whitewater guide.

Here is a pic, I am in the back and my crew has just hit the hole that they call the Big Kahuna.  We didn't get enough speed to get through the rapid without "hitting" it hard.  You get used to that as a guide.  You can encourage (a gentle word for not yell so hard) to paddle and then you just have to let go and ride it out.

The "Big Kahnua", Snake River, Wyoming USA

Now I am back on the river.  This time the Multnomah Channel of the Willamette River near Portland, OR.  My husband and I are renovating a floating home from the river up.  I wake each day to the river flowing right by my front door.  Cormorants, Bald and Golden Eagle, Great Blue Heron and Osprey are my constant companions.

Once I guided on the river, now the river guides me.  

Floating Home on Multnomah Channel

Wish you were here.

Intention to Manifestation

The Khata Tree© Project    Aromatic Traditions 2014

A few years ago I had a vivid dream. I saw a Khata (a ceremonial scarf symbolizing goodwill and compassion) streaming from a tree void of leaves.

The dream struck and I began to find a way to manifest that vision.

I started to write and illustrate a children's book.  Here is the first layer of a painting illustrating a young Tibetan girl who has discovered a Khata.

Tibetan Girl with Khata©  S. Varga

Several illustrations for the book were completed and then the project stalled.  Life caught up with me.  Kid's soccer games, Aromatic Traditions™ began to grow, I put the paintbrush down.

A few months later I decided to reach out to a dear friend who worked for a local museum.  We had collaborated on several different children's projects for the museum.  She had an idea.

I proposed a workshop which taught children about bridging cultures and won the Rose Family Grant.

Here is the culmination of the Khata Tree Project© (as it stands now).  We worked with a local area youth center with at-risk pre-teens and teens.  The kids were amazing.  We used storytelling and art to bridge cultures.

Individual Khatas painted by local teens.


What had begun as a dream ended as a full-blown project.  Every kid in the youth center had an opportunity to participate in some way.  We shared stories, food, blessings and music as each child spoke about their piece.

Moral of story:  dreams are manifesting all around us - grab one and hold on tight.

In the Garden of Spirit

Plein Air Botanical Painting     Aromatic Traditions 2014

After graduating with a Bachelor of Fine Art in Communication Design - a fancy name for Graphic Designer - I found myself designing and drawing things commercially like trucks, abalone cutters and yes, I designed a logo for a condom company.  A gentle feather with a bit of a tilt at the tip.

I cut my chops at a Mom and Pop printing shop on upper State Street in Santa Barbara, CA.  The head designer the wife and the head of the print shop her husband.
Every day was pressure packed as I typeset, rendered drawings and cut and paste pounds of galleys and images to boards.  Yes, this was the old method before desktop computers.
 We had a lot of fun and we worked our asses off.  Some big name accounts used our services as well as walk-in customers.

Needless to say, I found Graphic Design boring.

Years later I decided to take a leap and signed up for a botanical painting class at my local arts center.  I immediately fell in love with the teacher's style.  She was quiet and each time she said something about what I was painting it had meaning and I could immediately move to the next step.  She became my painting guru.
I decided to sign up for private lessons and my love of botanical painting began.

Tiger Lily©            S. Varga  2014

It felt fulfilling to sit in a spot in the garden, take a deep breath and begin to paint what I felt.

Although botanical painting calls for a bit of perfection - you have to catch the spirit of the plant or flower.  In the moment.  They change by the minute as the sun shines and they start to bloom or fade.  You have only a small window of time to paint.

Part of the Aromatic Traditions™ logo contains a drawing of White Sage.  A plant that is dear to me as it is used often for smudging prior to ceremonies. (I always smudge my laboratory before I begin any product).

Here is a bit of blessing for you...

White Sage©  S. Varga 2014

May you always walk in beauty.

Years in the Making

Wisdom Parfum Oils               Aromatic Traditions  2015

Years ago I met a teacher.

We were gathered together to do what is called a Moon Ceremony.

Some of us were adding extra layers as it had snowed.  I was being chided for looking like Little Red Riding Hood as I had all of my prayer bundles gathered in a basket and a shawl with a hood pulled tight over my head.

Not to be taken too seriously, I pulled up my skirt to reveal a pair of very brightly colored leggings.  One of a kind. Or so I thought.

Across the room another woman lifted her skirt and had on a similar pair.  We laughed and when she asked me where I got the leggings, I told her she wouldn't know the place, it was very far away.

But she did and she became my teacher that night.

Ten years later, my teachings culminated in what is now the Wisdom Parfum Oil set.  

My family did not see me for months as I sat at my perfumer's organ creating each oil.

(I still work with them, tweaking and noticing the changes.)

The oil set is based on 15 years of teachings about the chakras, the medicine wheel and ceremony.  Each oil is blessed and sits on its accompanying affirmation while marrying in the bottle for months prior to dispensing.

This set is an honoring of my teacher, her teachers before her and to all who use them to create a difference in their lives and others.

You can check them out here:

http://www.aromatictraditions.com/products/wisdom-parfum-oils-insight-set-1-85ml

(I like this set because it comes with a little affirmation booklet and a sweet little bag to put your oils in and draw out one or two for the day.)

Deep gratitude.